(Trailer Link)
I never got into "Heroes" for several different reasons. One, I don't like movies or shows about teenagers. My wife watches Gossip Girl and aside from that one asshole who always looks like he's constipated, the rest of those kids look like they fell off the goddamn Calvin Klein runway. Same goes for the new "90210." Goddammit, Michael from "The Wire", you went from Omar's replacement to this little whining bitch? Am I on drugs? Oh, I am? Okay. Well, anyway...Whatever happened to teenagers looking like normal teenagers? Remember the girl who played Blossom? She was mediocre on her best day, even when the producers caked her with makeup and stuck those stupid flower hats on her head. And how about Carol Seaver? Be more vanilla and annoying, but at least I bought her as your everyday teenager. And reason #2 why I didn't watch Heroes: they didn't wear costumes. If I'm signing up for a goddamn superhero story, I want some flashy fucking costumes. Don't give me the realism excuse. Nope. Costumes, or fuck off.
Which brings me to the trailer for Chronicle, a movie due out next year about, yeah, teenagers with superhero powers. Snoozefest. Apparently the director (who by the way, is 25-fucking-years-old, and, God, does that makes me feel like such a fucking loser) is using the Cloverfield technique - three dickheads use a hand-held camera to film themselves at all times, and they have super powers that allow them to do stupid shit like bend forks and move cars. That is, until one day when - GASP - things go awry, and their hijinks go too far.
So, yeah, blah blah blah, society is struck down by the power of some floppy-haired dork, and the trio of pals are turned against one another. I'm going out on a limb here and guessing bad dork's plot is eventually foiled, one of the good dorks dies (obviously it will be the black kid) and the third dork saves the day and probably bangs the hot girl.
So in short, fuck this movie. If you want to see a good superhero movie about teenagers, go watch Kick-Ass. And call me when you get some fluorescent unitards and forearm guards.
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