Trailer Review - Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

I am a firm believer in a self-created theory that you can judge how good a movie will be based on its trailers. This series is dedicated to helping you, Mr. & Mrs. Movie-goer, decide which movies are worth your time and which movies should be shoveled into the furnace.

I didn't see the first Sherlock Holmes movie. I didn't have to. I watched the trailer on Youtube and decided my time was better spent staring at some leaves. Anyway, part two is hitting the theaters soon! Can't wait to see it? I can! I can wait a really, really long time because I am getting older now and each minute is more precious than the last. But anyway, here are my thoughts.

The trailer begins with the real Robert Downey Jr. looking like Sylvester Stallone in The Expendables saying some shit about this being an "exclusive" trailer only on iTunes, even though I watched it on Apple.com. Are they the same thing? I have no idea. I hate Apple. Moving on.

RDJr is a detective who knows karate and talks like I talk when I'm imitating Jefferey from "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" (my wife adores me when I do this and definitely doesn't want to smash my face in with a paint can). So yeah, RDJr sounds horrible. If I did decide to go see this, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else in the movie, (which I assume is about British ninjas and Steampunks and magicians in the 1850's - am I close?) because RDJr sounds like such an asshole.

Oh great, Jude Law is in it. He was in one good movie ever - Road to Perdition - and his contribution was mostly cool because of his fucked up and creepy hairline. Some other actress gets top billing which is weird because I've never heard of her and she looks like Jaime Gertz, who was moderately attractive at best in 1993. With a budget like this, couldn't they have landed someone better?

Overall, Sherlock Holmes Blah Blah Blah of Blah looks like Pirates of the Caribbean: Part 24, only if POTC was set in London during the 19th century. The movie comes out in December, so it will make a shitload of money, but I will never see it because it looks so fucking stupid. I will go ahead and recommend this to anyone who watches POTC for any other reason than being too hungover to change the channel or dead. Also, it looks like a good movie for eight-year-old brats who boss their moms around in public and have severe cases of ADD.

(Link to Trailer)