Even though this clip makes me miss "The Sopranos" a whole lot, I can still watch this scene on a constant loop for ten hours straig...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I HATE THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER TREE LIGHTING
Tonight, thousands of people will flock to Rockefeller Center to watch some asshole flip a switch that ignites a bunch of Walgeens string lights. Everyone will clap and cheer and maybe cry, and I will be fighting my way home through the crush wishing someone would shout "STAMPEDE" so it would all end a little quicker.
What can I say besides I hate this day so much because it's horrible and stupid. And I think I speak for everyone who works in...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Hate Parade - Bad Meeting Places
This picture has nothing to do with my rant, but I just love it so much I felt it needed to be here.
This morning I spent half of my commute wishing I had a time machine so I could go back in time to last Thursday and pour mashed potatoes and gravy all over my hair and face (again), and the other half wishing everyone would stop fucking complaining about how much they ate on Thanksgiving, and just be thankful that they had food to eat and didn't...
Amazon Review: Purdey Wool Shooter Vest
I like to write reviews for stupid shit being sold on Amazon. I don't have a real reason why I do this, it's just something I do. Like eating radishes.
Anyway, I will link a few of them here from time-to-time. Hopefully you won't think less of me for being weirder than you originally thought five minutes ago.
Link to my Amazon Rev...
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving!
The Best Kind of Turkey
In between shoveling mouthfuls of food down your throat and bad-mouthing your Uncle for having another Jack on the rocks minus the rocks - hopefully you will take a few minutes to look around at your surroundings and just be thankful. Thankful you are not living in a hut in Peru that is buried underneath nine feet of mud. Thankful you are not living in the Sudan eating dirt for dinner and dodging the refrigerators rebels...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Amazon Review - Competition Mannequin Head
I like to write reviews for stupid shit being sold on Amazon. I don't have a real reason why I do this, it's just something I do. Like eating radishes.
Anyway, I will link a few of them here from time-to-time. Hopefully you won't think less of me for being weirder than you originally thought five minutes ago.
Link To My Review...
Monday, November 21, 2011
Hate Parade - Exotic Animal Owners
Charla Nash was on The TODAY Show this morning. Never heard of her? Well, DO NOT GOOGLE HER. I'm not kidding - your eyes will be violated in a way that you will never be able to recover from. Trust me, I know from experience. You see, I have the willpower of a three-year-old, and I Google everything that people tell me to NEVER to Google. Then, after I finish hating myself, I tell everyone around me that I Googled something repulsive, and subsequently...
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Hate Parade: Shoeless Joe A*shole
People perform some disgusting acts while riding New York City's public transportation system. But who can blame them? Well, since you asked, I guess I can. I can blame them, actually. That's sort of what I'm doing here - blaming these people for being savages. Because seriously, who hasn't seen someone eating, drinking, smoking, crying, cutting their toenails, eating more food, singing, picking their nose, talking on the phone to someone who I...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Hate Parade - Plastic Packages of Death
A few weeks ago, I went on a trip. HOW EXCITING! In our absence, my wife decided she would like to have our lights put on timers to fool all of the bad guys who are trying to rob our house and steal my Playstation 3 (obvs). I asked her if she had ever heard of a little movie called "Home Alone" because, if the Wet Bandits could figure out that houses are on timers and an entire fucking neighborhood went on vacation all at once, then I assume any...
Amazon Review - MilSimX M4 Assault Rifle
I like to write reviews for stupid shit being sold on Amazon. I don't have a real reason why I do this, it's just something I do. Like eating radishes.
Anyway, I will link a few of them here from time-to-time. Hopefully you won't think less of me for being weirder than you originally thought five minutes ago.
Link To My Amazon Rev...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Amazon Review - Swiss Rail Journey 1 [VHS]
I like to write reviews for stupid shit being sold on Amazon. I don't have a real reason why I do this, it's just something I do. Like eating radishes.
Anyway, I will link a few of them here from time-to-time. Hopefully you won't think less of me for being weirder than you originally thought five minutes ago.
Link to My Amazon Rev...
Rewind: Continuing Controversy
Over a year ago, I wrote a Hate Parade article about how much I hate pickup trucks. For some reason, this article generated the most hate-induced comments from people. And they are still coming in. How/Why people are reading this article, I have no idea. It's not like I have some loyal following of people who give a shit what I write. But I guess I touched a nerve when I decided to bash pickups. My favorite part of the comments is how one guy thinks I am trying to "rid America" of pickups. Wait, what? I'm flattered you think anyone besides my wife...
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I Hate FML
I hate the acronym FML. I hated it when it first became popular. I hated it when people adopted it as a way to state the obvious or be ironic or whatever. And I hate it even more now that it's old and stupid and cliche and been beaten into the ground like a dead horse up shits creek without a pot to piss in avoid it like the plague strong as an ox blah blah blah. Fuck FML....
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I Hate Your Feigned Shock at Holiday Music
It's officially the Holiday Season™, Ladies and Gentlemen! Time to start buying tons of shit your friends and family don't need so you can put a monetary value on how much you care about them. Lots and lots of fun to watch the fear and panic in shopper's eyes as they barrel around Macy's at the eleventh hour looking for a belt for their stupid nephew. Here's a piece of advice, lady, your nephew doesn't need a belt. What he needs is a nice fucking...
Friday, November 4, 2011
Amazon Review - Velcro Shearling Dog Coat
I like to write reviews for stupid shit being sold on Amazon. I don't have a real reason why I do this, it's just something I do. Like eating radishes.
Anyway, I will link a few of them here from time-to-time. Hopefully you won't think less of me for being weirder than you originally thought five minutes ago.
Link to Amazon Rev...
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I Hate You, Metro North
For almost a eighteen months now, I've wanted to write about how much I hate Metro North. Every morning I wake up, am inevitably delayed/angered by my commute, and want to start pounding out a 9,000 word essay on how much Metro North fucking sucks. But most days I would just sit there, staring at a blank screen, because trying to formulate a rant on how much I hate Metro North is like trying to formulate a rant on how much I hate all of my least...
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Trailer Trash - American Pie Reunion
(Link to Trailer)
The original American Pie was released in theaters a little over twelve years ago. Feel old? I know I do. I remember when it came out and everyone went bat-shit over how hysterically funny it was and declared it the official comedy of Generation Y, and they held a ceremony in Washington DC to commemorate the occasion. At least that's what I was told by former President Bill Clinton yesterday. Personally, I was never a huge fan of...
